Part two of this series can be found here
Part three of this series can be found here
This post is a continuation from recent Instagram and
Facebook posts where I have posted photos of me and Hannah on our way to
various places in our car. With each photo, I posted a small blurb explaining
what was happening in each photo. The gist of most of these posts was how at
three years old, Hannah was becoming a backseat driver. After several of the
posts appeared I began to really notice what was happening which was if I was
really engaged my daughter was teaching me things that as a dad I need to know
or the things going on were reinforcing things I already knew. That moment
became a moment when I knew I would share those things on this blog. So, here
is our format. We relive these 16 posts with the original photo and blurb. In
an attempt to add a bit more value to all this, I have also provided a bit more
info about each specific picture which in some cases brings home some of the
points more clearly. More importantly, I close each picture and blurb out with
I learned from that specific experience as a father. Please feel free to share
any lessons I may have missed on Instagram, Facebook or in the comments section
here.
Disclaimer 1: None of the photos used here were taken while
the car we are in was in motion. Each photo shown was taken while the car was
parked. I love Hannah too much to risk her safety for the sake of a picture. If
you or someone you know takes selfies or texts while driving, please reconsider
just for the simple fact that life is too short. If that doesn’t convince you
then think how there are already enough bad drivers on the road and being out
there distracted just adds to that number. And if that doesn’t convince you
then let me be blunt: I don’t want you distracted if you are driving in my
direction.
Disclaimer 2: I do not claim to be a model father. The
lessons I present here as learned are from my perspective.
Backseat driver
entry 13:
What if I became the backseat driver and put Hannah behind
the wheel? The closest I can come to this now is to let her push her stroller
up our street.
Me: “Hannah, can you see over the stroller?”
No response from Hannah.
Me: “Hannah, push the stroller toward the curb. Over there.”
No response from Hannah.
Two stray dogs suddenly run up to us.
Hannah: “Daddy! Puppies!”
Hannah then jumps into my arms.
Me: “It’s okay, sweetheart.”
Hannah: “Daddy, let’s go home.”
Story behind the photo: There was a lot going on with this photo. One afternoon, Hannah wanted to take her stroller for a neighborhood walk. First, she wanted to ride in the stroller but she struggled with the seatbelt and refused any help from me with that seatbelt. After a few minutes, she gave up on riding and instead wanted to push the stroller on the walk. What Hannah does not yet understand is that the stroller needs to stay on one side of the street. She also doesn’t yet fully appreciate the fact that she can barely see over the stroller, so steering it in the right direction is an issue. To add to all this, as she pushed the stroller, two stray dogs began following us up the street. When these dogs got close, Hannah panicked, abandoned her position behind the stroller and needed to be held. We made our way back to our house with the dogs close behind. I wasn’t thrilled with the two stray dogs following us as I had no idea what they would do. I just knew I needed to remain calm for Hannah’s sake. The dogs ended up being harmless but I really would not know that until they were gone. The only way the dogs left us alone was when I barked at them and ran them off. Yes, I really barked at them---and they really left.
Story behind the photo: There was a lot going on with this photo. One afternoon, Hannah wanted to take her stroller for a neighborhood walk. First, she wanted to ride in the stroller but she struggled with the seatbelt and refused any help from me with that seatbelt. After a few minutes, she gave up on riding and instead wanted to push the stroller on the walk. What Hannah does not yet understand is that the stroller needs to stay on one side of the street. She also doesn’t yet fully appreciate the fact that she can barely see over the stroller, so steering it in the right direction is an issue. To add to all this, as she pushed the stroller, two stray dogs began following us up the street. When these dogs got close, Hannah panicked, abandoned her position behind the stroller and needed to be held. We made our way back to our house with the dogs close behind. I wasn’t thrilled with the two stray dogs following us as I had no idea what they would do. I just knew I needed to remain calm for Hannah’s sake. The dogs ended up being harmless but I really would not know that until they were gone. The only way the dogs left us alone was when I barked at them and ran them off. Yes, I really barked at them---and they really left.
Lesson I learned: At various times over the years my wife and
I will have to let go and let Hannah try something that will absolutely terrify
us because we will not be certain if she is ready for what she is attempting. When
this occurs, we, as her parents, must remain brave, calm and collected. She may
panic but we cannot let her see us show panic. What really gets lost in this
short blurb is that even though I was attempting to tell Hannah how she needed
to be pushing the stroller was that I was able to provide her with moments of
encouragement as well. When she was able to guide the stroller onto the street
without turning the stroller over, I told her what a good job she was doing.
Those things matter as well because even though this attempt at walking the
stroller wasn’t a bona-fide success I know there will be another attempt
sometime and when she steps behind that stroller again to push it I want her to
have a basis for moving forward with some confidence. Here is a bonus lesson
from the stroller ride: if Hannah brings around someone who scares me or her, as
her dad, I will bark and I will bark really loud.
Backseat driver
entry 14:
Lost in thought on this ride.
What I’m thinking: “Why is traffic so bad?...Did I turn off
the hallway light when I left?...I didn’t call the insurance company back…I
dread tomorrow’s conference call…I should have taken next Friday off…what in
the world is that thing over there?”
What I hear from Hannah in the backseat: “Blah…blah…red
light…blah… blah… monkey…yada…yada…yada…my songs… yada… yada… yada… juice… blah… blah… crunchy,
crunchy… yada… yada… yada… Daddy, what’s that over there?”
Story behind the photo: Some days are tough as a parent.
There are a million things going on seemingly. I have those days. My work
schedule is crazy, family issues creep up, bills have to be paid and all sorts
of other things rattle around in my head all the time. Meantime, Hannah is in
her own little world and trying to tell me about what is going on in her world.
We posed for this photo obviously but I hope it shows how distracted I appear
to be at the moment.
Lesson I learned: It is easy to hear but not really listen. Children need parents who will listen to them. For me, I need to consider what Hannah is saying and gauge it's importance and make sure I am not tuning
out. As an adult in today’s world, I find I can become so distracted
with so many things---work, relationships, gadgets and even “boredom”
that sometimes I can miss out on what is going on with my own child. Sometimes Hannah may
have to repeat herself over and over just to get my attention. Sometimes
what is distracting me matters because it is something important. I need to locate a balance somewhere. Hannah needs me to listen. At some point, someone will listen to her
and it may be someone who does not have her best interests in mind and if I
remain distracted a little bit of validation from someone else will go a long
way with someone who feels they are never heard. Whatever I do, I need to not
tune out despite all the chaos my life can sometimes bring.
Backseat driver
entry 15:
Hannah: “Look
at that truck. That’s a big truck like Pappaw has.”
Me: “Yes, it
is. Did you get to ride in Pappaw’s truck the other day?”
Hannah: “Yes.”
Me: “Who did
you ride with? Pappaw?”
Hannah: “Yes.”
Me: “Mammaw?”
Hannah: “Yes?”
Me: “Sara?”
Hannah: “Yes?”
Me: “Was it
fun?”
Hannah: “Yes.
It was fun but it was loud.”
Story behind the photo: This was an easy photo to take. I
simply asked Hannah would she like to take a photo and she said yes. On the
ride this particular day she did note a truck which looked like her Pappaw’s
truck and began talking about her recent ride in that truck.
Lesson I learned: At most any age, people will talk about
what they truly care about. Begin a conversation and steer it in the right
direction and you will soon know what people hold dear to their hearts. The
same is true for children. Some of my most favorite memories so far in Hannah’s
life are hearing her talk about the people who have loved her since day one
without any question and without any hesitation and it is those people that she
has learned to love the same way in her short life. I love explaining who her
family members are to her and how our family pieces together. I love it when I
see these things click with her. Listening to her talk about even the simplest
experiences she has with her family is an encouragement to me and her mom. It
reaffirms what we are trying to instill in her, the importance of family, her
place in our family, her love of this family and her belonging to this family.
I hope she talks about us forever!
Backseat driver entry 16:
Hannah: “Momma, are we there yet?”
Mom: “Almost.”
Hannah: “Daddy?”
Me: “Yes, sweetie.”
Hannah: “Where we gonna park?”
Me: “We’ll find somewhere sweetheart.”
Story behind the photo: We took this photo the same day we
took the photo for entry number 7. We tried several goofy photos but settled on
trying to take a few serious ones while we were at it. Sometimes Hannah does
ask if we are at our destination. More often though she asks where we are going
and then asks, my favorite question she asks while we are in the car, “where
are we going to park?” That question is just random enough to make me smile
every time she asks it.
Lesson I learned: Raising Hannah is a lifelong ride. And as with any extended ride, it will have it’s share of good and bad. As parents, my wife and I need to be in for the long haul. The ride is the hard part. It sometimes seems it will never end. There are bound to be times when we think the trip is almost over only then we will realize we still have more miles to go. Ultimately with any trip, we will need to know where our destination will be. This can be even tougher. After all, it is easy now to think of Hannah as the cute three year old who has captured our hearts. It is harder to think of where she needs to be in fifteen or twenty years. It is easy to just think things will take care of themselves between now and then and somehow it will all turn out okay in the end. And it may. I rarely make any kind of trip that way though. Even the most routine, basic trips I make have some plan behind them. I may find I need to use a map or a mapping system. I make a determination the direction to go and then get rolling that way. Sometimes on a trip, I have to adapt and change direction. Other times I have to just forge forward. Eventually, I get there. Sometimes the ride is a breeze, other times it is a real trying trip. Why would I risk the future of my child by hoping things just turn out okay? As Hannah’s dad, I need to understand her mother and I are raising her to be a responsible adult. One day we will let go. When the day comes when she really begins her life trip, will we have prepared her to be able to be the type of young woman who will be able to handle what life will offer her or will we just turn her loose with her not quite knowing how she can get to where she is going or even how to park when she gets where she arrives?
Lesson I learned: Raising Hannah is a lifelong ride. And as with any extended ride, it will have it’s share of good and bad. As parents, my wife and I need to be in for the long haul. The ride is the hard part. It sometimes seems it will never end. There are bound to be times when we think the trip is almost over only then we will realize we still have more miles to go. Ultimately with any trip, we will need to know where our destination will be. This can be even tougher. After all, it is easy now to think of Hannah as the cute three year old who has captured our hearts. It is harder to think of where she needs to be in fifteen or twenty years. It is easy to just think things will take care of themselves between now and then and somehow it will all turn out okay in the end. And it may. I rarely make any kind of trip that way though. Even the most routine, basic trips I make have some plan behind them. I may find I need to use a map or a mapping system. I make a determination the direction to go and then get rolling that way. Sometimes on a trip, I have to adapt and change direction. Other times I have to just forge forward. Eventually, I get there. Sometimes the ride is a breeze, other times it is a real trying trip. Why would I risk the future of my child by hoping things just turn out okay? As Hannah’s dad, I need to understand her mother and I are raising her to be a responsible adult. One day we will let go. When the day comes when she really begins her life trip, will we have prepared her to be able to be the type of young woman who will be able to handle what life will offer her or will we just turn her loose with her not quite knowing how she can get to where she is going or even how to park when she gets where she arrives?
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