Driving Miss Hannah: What A Dad Learned From A Three Year Old Backseat Driver, part two

Part one of this series can be found here 

During August and September 2014, I posted several photos of me and Hannah on Instagram and Facebook. These photos showed me and Hannah on our way to various places in our car. Each photo was accompanied by a small blurb explaining what was happening in each photo. The theme to most of these posts was how at three years old, Hannah was becoming a backseat driver. After a few of the posts I realized there were lessons I could learn as a dad from what was happening. We are revisiting these 16 posts, four at a time, with the original photo and blurb. As a bonus, I have also provided a bit more information about each specific picture which in several cases brings home some of the lessons learned more clearly. Please feel free to share any lessons I may have missed on Instagram, Facebook or in the comments section here. 

Disclaimer 1: None of the photos used here were taken while the car we are in was in motion. Each photo shown was taken while the car was parked. I love Hannah too much to risk her safety for the sake of a picture. If you or someone you know takes selfies or texts while driving, please reconsider just for the simple fact that life is too short. If that doesn’t convince you then think how there are already enough bad drivers on the road and being out there distracted just adds to that number. And if that doesn’t convince you then let me be blunt: I don’t want you distracted if you are driving in my direction. 

Disclaimer 2: I do not claim to be a model father. The lessons I present here as learned are from my perspective.

Backseat driver entry number 5:

When Hannah, the back seat driver, wakes up an hour earlier than usual, she falls asleep in the car. That means front seat driver Dad can get serious about his driving checklist:

Right on red after a complete stop: Check

Fast turns: Check and check

Pop wheelies: Check, check and check.

Miss the chatter from the back seat driver: A million checks

Story behind the photo: On our way to daycare one morning, Hannah, who had gotten up about an hour before her normal time, was her usual talkative self during most of the ride. As we weaved our way through a string of congested traffic, I noticed the talk from the backseat had slowed and stopped. Once I made it to a place where I could check, I glanced to the backseat and saw that Hannah had fallen asleep. She slept until we stopped to get out at daycare. This doesn’t happen often and although it felt weird it also was nice to have a break from the normal routine.

Lesson I learned: With most children, routine is generally a good thing. It provides structure which in turn provides a sense of comfort. This routine means as Hannah’s dad, I get into a routine as well. When an unexpected deviation from the normal occurs, I should roll with it. Yes, I missed that voice from the backseat chattering away but I knew this was a rare thing for the time. I need to understand that a break from the routine happens from time to time but the day-to-day will return soon enough, and even if the routine really is something that you may not always enjoy, the routine is something your child needs.

Backseat driver entry number 6:

A fairly early Saturday morning starts with a fairly lengthy to-do list. Six or seven stops on the way. Flatt & Scruggs on the speakers, windows rolled down, sunroof open, sunglasses like I like 'em but no backseat driver on this ride. What a long strange trip this one is.

Story behind the photo: This was a day when it was a rare ride for me when Hannah was not in the car at all. With a list of errands to run, I headed out to get some things done. Despite being in complete control of the schedule and the car and being able to get some needed things completed, the quietness from the backseat made me miss Hannah with every stop and start. Although I knew soon enough she would be back I couldn’t help but think how she makes our life more animated and full.

Lesson I learned: Sometimes as a dad, I need downtime. It may be to get things done that have to get done or it may be that I just need the time to get myself back on track physically or mentally. As her dad, Hannah doesn’t need me to be burning a candle at both ends and frazzled in the middle. Sometimes, it pays off in the long run if I am able to just step back and take a deep breath. On the flip side, I should also understand that any downtime I take should be small compared to the time I should be engaged in raising Hannah. Being her dad is my job and I count it a privilege to be involved with my wife, her mom, raising her but that doesn’t mean being her dad is always a breeze. Sometimes it is exhausting, draining, maddening. It is tough work and every now and then tough work needs a break. When the downtime ends, I am on duty again. Additional point for me to remember as Hannah's dad: Hannah's mom needs downtime from time-to-time as well.

 

Backseat driver entry number 7:

She's baaaack---and brought Mom along for this ride!

Story behind the photo: Despite both of us being involved in Hannah’s life, it is only a handful of times each week when her mom and I are in the same car with Hannah. On this occasion, Hannah asked her mom to ride in the backseat. Mom was nice enough to play along for the photo.

Lesson I learned: Some may subscribe to it taking a village to raise a child. Whatever. I didn’t see a village showing up at 2 AM to change dirty diapers or to soothe Hannah when she was cutting teeth. I was there and my wife was there. And, frankly, when she needs to learn how to drive or goes on her first date, I suspect it will be me and her mom there and not a village. So, no offense to the village but me and my wife will handle raising Hannah. Now I know there is more to the it takes a village idea that what I have mentioned here. But my point is this: ultimately, my wife and I accept the responsibility of raising our daughter and all that it entails-successes and failures. That said, I am blessed to share parenting responsibilities for Hannah with my wife, Jennifer. We strive to make sure communication is good between the two of us. We try to make sure we are both on the same page when it comes to the important things as it relates to raising Hannah. We try to understand that if we are at odds with one another that we are careful about how we treat each other especially in front of Hannah. She is watching and taking notes on how to treat others from watching us. She is also learning how she should be treated by how I treat her mom and how her mom treats me. Even though it may be years for that to be a factor in her life, it is still a very serious thought to consider in the here and now. Besides, imagine all the voices she would have to listen to if we left the responsibility of raising Hannah up to the village.

Backseat driver entry number 8:
No road warriors today...still a simple few minutes in the backyard swing brings out the backseat driver with this exchange:
Hannah: "Daddy?"
Me: "Yes, baby."
Hannah: "Push me with two hands."
Me: "Really?"

Story behind the photo: A rare day off from work and school and at home found the three year old wanting to go outside and swing. Once there, I stood behind her and pushed her. This is an easy task and one that can be done with one hand until Hannah demands that I push the swing with both hands and I oblige.

Lesson I learned: I wasn’t expecting to see the backseat driver attitude in a backyard swing but this one may have been the one revelation that struck home more than any other for me. Initially, what really caught my attention was how Hannah expected me to push the swing with both hands. This made me understand she has expectations of me. The turn at the swing may not be something I count as super important but to her it was, she expected me to be more serious about it than I was. I may not always know her expectations--especially if she cannot express them fully yet or maybe, when she grows older, when she may not be as willing to express them. Still, knowing that she has expectations is a start on meeting those expectations. Our friend, Becky McCormick also noted in a Facebook comment about this photo how when she was a child she wanted her Dad to push her in a swing with both hands because it provided her with a feeling of safety and security and his pushes enabled her to swing higher than she could on her own. My wife added to this by saying that safety and security were two of the things a daughter expects from her father. And don’t miss Becky’s other point here…a dad’s assistance and encouragement can help a child soar to heights they could not achieve on their own. Those are simple actions that carry a lot of power.

Part three can be found here