As parents, there are so many things we want for our
child. Yes, sometimes those things are the shiny, sparkly things they want even
though you know that thing will lose its sparkle in their eyes almost as soon
as it is obtained. More often than not though it is the intangible things you
want for your child, things such as peace of mind, a good heart, a forgiving
spirit, a good work ethic, things that you hope you can instill in her as she
grows. These things take a lot of work, sweat and prayer though.
One of the things we want for Hannah is for her to
use manners. We do want her to address people with “yes” and “no” and to even
add “sir” or “ma’am” after those words, even in today’s overly sensitive
politically correct times. We feel it is a matter of respect and honor not some
secretly coded way to offend someone. That said, being able to have a
five-year-old process why doing such things is important is an uphill battle.
Then, somedays, a gleam of hope appears.
Recently, Hannah and I were riding home from
school. As we pulled onto our street, I spotted one of our neighbors in her
yard hard at work with some flowers. I casually mentioned, “There’s Mrs.
Barbara.” Hannah began scanning the neighborhood until she saw our neighbor
then she announced how she wanted to visit Mrs. Barbara.
I should pause here to tell you a bit about these
neighbors, Mr. Jim and Mrs. Barbara. They are great neighbors. They have lived
in their house for many years, so much so that they seem to quietly be
considered the go-to people not just on our street but in our whole neighborhood.
They have experienced great loss in their personal lives yet never turned sour
or bitter over those things. I have known them to work with the homeless, the
despondent, children without parents, those with addictions and fellow
neighbors who just needed someone who would listen without judging. As long as
we have lived next to them, the neighborhood children often gather on their
porch as Mrs. Barbara hands out popsicles.
Hannah doesn’t know about all the good these two
do and have done. She doesn’t appreciate how having such good neighbors is one
less worry her Mom and I have to carry from day to day. She understands though
how just visiting their porch can result in a free popsicle for her. So, on the
day when she saw Mrs. Barbara hard at work in her yard, I suspected that Hannah
may not have really wanted to just visit with her but instead just really wanted
a popsicle I paused. Then when Hannah confirmed my suspicion that a popsicle
would really be good at that moment I knew I had to say something.
I told Hannah that Mrs. Barbara was working hard so
interrupting her while she was busy was not very neighborly. I also told Hannah
that just because Mrs. Barbara would likely stop her work to go inside her
house just so she could give Hannah a popsicle was no reason to visit. I
told her sometimes we visit with others because we want to do so not so that we
can get something from them.
Despite my attempts to dissuade her, Hannah was
still determined to visit Mrs. Barbara. We exited our car. We walked out of our
garage onto our driveway then on to our walkway. By this time I am in my usual
place, about three to five steps behind Hannah. Partway up our walkway, Hannah
stopped. She focused her eyes on Mrs. Barbara in the next yard over from our
yard. Mrs. Barbara, who had not noticed us, quietly continued to work in a
flower bed. I asked Hannah why she stopped. She then told me she didn’t want to
bother Mrs. Barbara because she looked like she was very busy.
For a moment I could not believe my ears. It
seemed as if my short talk had made it through to Hannah. She saw with her own
two eyes Mrs. Barbara hard at work then thought it best to not disturb her so
that our neighbor could finish what she was doing. This seemed to me to be a
big step. Hannah would trade off a popsicle for being a good neighbor.
I must admit it was a proud parenting moment. I
tried reinforcing Hannah’s good decision. I told her there would be more
appropriate times to visit the neighbors. I told her there would even be times
when just visiting for a popsicle would be a good thing. I then told her how
proud I was that on this day, she was being a good neighbor by not interrupting
Mrs. Barbara so she could keep working.
Later that evening we sat around our supper table.
I was chomping at the bit to let
Jennifer know how Hannah had wanted to visit next door but saw our neighbor
busy and thought visiting them some other time would be better than that
moment. I wanted to let Jennifer know about the flash of maturity our little
five-year-old had shown. As I was partway through explaining this the air
rattled with a loud noise. Jennifer and I looked at each other then turned our
eyes to the end of the table to find Hannah, standing in her chair laughing at
the loud-as-thunder burp she had just expelled.
I looked back at Jennifer who glanced back at me,
both of us trying to suppress laughter. As Hannah’s earlier gesture of
thoughtfulness escaped my thoughts at the moment, I quietly said, “Never mind.
We apparently still have some work to do.”
