Some Call Me Timmy

Ever notice how many names you are known by? I have thought some about this from time to time. When you become a parent, you get a new identity. Hannah knows me as “Daddy”. Of all the names I am known by, it is my favorite name by far. Now to Hannah’s friends I am “Hannah’s daddy”. That one is okay, too. As I become older, I sometimes hear some younger folks refer to me as “Mr. Dills”. While I may feel that title should refer to my late grandfather or to my father, I try to temper that urge so that in some way I acknowledge younger people who have been raised with some respect for those older than they are.

For the most part though, most everyone I know calls me ‘Tim”. It is a shortened version of my given name, “Timothy”. The name means “honoring God”. So many of our names reach back to some meaning tied to God.

Some have varied my name throughout my life in some way. You know “Tiny Tim” was one. I have long been confused with that one since it could be Tiny Tim from A Christmas Carol from Charles Dickens, but it could also mean the person calling me that really liked the falsetto-singing, ukulele-playing pop culture star Tiny Tim best known in the 1960s and 1970s. A few called me “Timbo” from time to time although that one never stuck for long.

During the earliest part of my life, I was known as “Timmy”. I have no idea who first called me that or why. I then was known by “Timmy” by family and friends. At some point, I suppose I thought “Timmy” sounded too much like a little kid’s name, so I worked hard to let folks know I preferred to be called “Tim”. I don’t really recall any specific event that made me determine this is how I should be identified but it caught on. Now most all who know me call me by that shortened version of my given first name.

Except some still call me “Timmy”. I noticed this when I was in college. I was home one summer and attended a family reunion. I saw aunts, uncles, and cousins I had not seen in years. For some of them, the last time they had seen me was when I was called “Timmy”. I noted then how some called me by that name on that day especially when some who used that name followed it by saying how they had not seen me since I was “little”. When I returned to school in the fall, I joked with some of my friends about being called “Timmy”. When I hosted a radio show on the college radio station, I then began calling myself “Little Timmy”.

At some point, my nieces and nephews, and maybe even a few cousins, caught on to it all. They started calling me “Timmy” as well. They relished this since they thought it got under my skin some. And, maybe, for a time, it did. Even now when we are together at some point, one of them will purposely, or otherwise, call me “Timmy”.

I don’t hear the name “Timmy” often these days. At a recent family funeral though I heard it a few times. With so many years behind me now, I don’t always recognize the name when I hear it. Maybe it is just so much a part of me now that it skips by me when someone uses that name. On this day though prior to the funeral service, a few family members had told me one of my cousins that I had not seen in years was there. I had not run across him though. As the family gathered to walk into the funeral home chapel, I saw my cousin across the room. I broke the line, walked to him, grabbed his hand then looked him in the eyes. Sure enough, he gripped my hand back, looked me in the eyes and without hesitation said, “Timmy.”

For me, that is enough reason to always answer to that name.

The Sun Always Rises

Over the course of the past year the day-to-day routine has seemed more like a grind than ever before. We have been told to cover our faces and stay away from others. While the short-term benefits of such may have been well-intentioned, the long-term impact is something I fear will be something some will never get over.

The past year had to gone on though. We learned to adapt to do things we had to do every day just so things could seem as normal as possible. It was all the same but in a different way. Despite moving on in the best way we could, looking back, some things seem lost.

In this last, lost year, we lost friends and family, and because of fear, we could not grieve them as we normally would. How hard will that piece of being mortal, just being human, be to get back? We lost some civility during the past year, didn't we? We already had greatly squandered this commodity, mostly on politics, so losing more of it was something we should have really considered. We tested friendships over whether or not to wear masks. Was it a loss of freedom to have to wear a mask? Some seemed more than willing to report some one to the authorities over not wearing a mask than they were to report an actual crime.

Now and then I would see something that reminded me that not all is lost.

Working from home one recent morning, my day started with helping Jennifer and Hannah get out the door for work and school. After the rush-rush of that hour finished, I stood at the living room window. A moment later, I saw Jennifer's car, with the two of them inside, pull up to our street to leave. As they turned out of our driveway, my eyes followed them, There as the car drove away from our house, I noticed they were driving into a spectacular sunrise.

With a right turn onto another street, they disappeared from my sight. I could only keep looking at the sky. I opened the front door stepping onto our porch just so I could get a better glimpse of the view before my eyes. Maybe, I was outside in an attempt to get a bit closer to the source.

No matter how the past year has unfolded, it unfolded as it always has in some ways. One day always followed another day. One distinct season always followed another distinct season. Each morning, sunrise came, whether hidden behind clouds or unobstructed in front of a blue sky. Each evening, sunset came, cloudy or otherwise.

In all the bickering, vitriol, anger, and confusion our world seems to sink deeper into each day, that sunrise, and it's continual presence serves as a reminder that life goes on despite these things that easily distract us. It speaks how life is more than arguing a point of view, no matter how "right" a body thinks they are. It is more than just the routine someone exercises each day to get from point A to point B. It more than supersedes any new normal any one can claim. It is a shame how sometimes it has to nudge us in a spectacular way even though it is there every day without fail.

Because of the tender mercy of our God, whereby the sunrise shall visit us from on high to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace."
~Luke 1: 78, 79

Road Trip: Jackson

After graduating college, I lived in Jackson, Tennessee, home of the Golden Circle, Casey Jones Village, the Red Dog Saloon, and Carl Perkins. I secured a job with a local television station working evenings on three live broadcasts five days a week. The pay wasn't much but, as is often said, my foot was in the door.

I had attended college about thirty minutes away, so I was familiar with Jackson. It was the weekend getaway from the books and studying. It was the place to take a date on a Friday night. So, when I actually moved there I became more aware of what the city offered. I already understood I was comfortable here, so if the work stayed steady then this could become home.

Work became the reason I left there. The station had some ongoing legal issues and seemed poorly operated on a few levels. The main problem for me, and many of my co-workers, was the parent company would issue our checks late every other Thursday. Often, they told us to hold the check until Monday because the account they were drawing money from might not have enough funds to cover payroll. This happened enough times that summer that a few of us rewrote the lyrics to Terence Trent D'Arby's song, "Sign Your Name (Across My Heart)" to "Sign Your Name (Across My Check)." So, just before Thanksgiving, having located a job in my hometown, I moved back to Georgia.

Still, looking back I had about six months in Jackson. I rented my first apartment. The lady I rented from was named Annette, except she pronounced her name A-net. For my job, I covered a rodeo in nearby Lexington. I also covered an election in Union City, and the world's largest milkshake at the start of my college's fall semester. I hung out with friends. I waved to Carl Perkins in a catfish restaurant once. I learned a lot about myself in those days.

There were times I made a few road trips. When I was searching for a new job, I took several trips back to Georgia. Most of these were trips I made overnight. When my work week ended on Friday night about 11, I had my car loaded for a weekend road trip. Fueled on Mountain Dew and Little Debbie snack cakes, I barreled down the interstate in the dark of the night. I suppose the great thing about being in your early-twenties then was how I never second-guessed the sanity of doing this. I am not sure I would try this now. Anyway, I would pull into my parents' driveway early Saturday morning. My Mom usually worked on Saturday and my Dad usually had chores to do, so I found a bed and crashed until midday. Over the weekend though, I enjoyed being back home and visiting family and friends there. Early Monday morning, I loaded up my car and made the trip back to Jackson, most of it in daylight.

There came a time when I gave notice to my employer. They owed me parts of pay for six weeks when I left (spoiler alert: they eventually paid all of us what we earned). I remember that final day of work. I recall calling a friend to say goodbye. I remember that day was rainy. Autumn's leaves stuck to the pavement in the wetness. I left for work early that day just so I could revisit some of the old haunts one last time, if only in a passing car. I drove by the movie theatre, the mall, the Siam Room Chinese restaurant ("Welcome back!"), the Mexican drive-thru I sometimes visited after work, and other places that have now blended into time and memory. I went to work for the final time there, and, later after work, made a trip back to Georgia.

I've been back to Jackson several times through the years even though it has been a long time since my last visit there. I remember that place and my time there fondly, and on occasion, I miss those days. Of course, that place has changed from the way I remember. I am grateful though I can remember that place the way I do, a nice stop along the way in my life's journey.

Playlist for Road Trip: Jackson
Johnny Cash and June Carter: "Jackson"
Carl Perkins "Blue Suede Shoes"
Rob Jungklas "Memphis Thing"
Dwight Yoakam and Buck Owens "Streets of Bakersfield"
John Kilzer "Memory in the Making"
Jimmy Davis and Junction "Kick The Wall"
Blue Tears "Rockin' With The Radio"
Rosanne Cash "Runaway Train"
Tracy Chapman "Fast Car"
Cheap Trick "The Flame"
Keith Richards: "Take It So Hard"
John Hiatt: "Drive South"