At times the questions of a four-year-old just seem to come out of the blue. One day in the midst of activity, Hannah asked, “Can I talk to you?”
I must admit the time we were spending together at that
moment was nothing extraordinary. Frankly, the question almost slipped past me
in the swirl of life going on at the time of the asking. When I paused to let
the question sink in, I looked at Hannah and replied, “Sure. What’s up?”
I can’t totally recall Hannah’s reply since her request
ended up relating to some imaginary scenario in which she was involved which
allowed me to release a quiet sigh of relief. Still, her question rattled
around inside my head for a few minutes after she asked.
As parents we want our children to feel free to ask that
question to us. That type of question though can be uneasy to field because it’s
very nature implies that the actual conversation that will follow could be
uncomfortable at some level. Still, when all is said and done we want to be available
for our children. Besides, being a parent is not just made up of fun and
laughter, it will at times consist of difficult and challenging moments. How we
handle such times will say a lot about who we really are, and what we mean to
one another.
So, Hannah, as you grow older, know your Mom and I are here
for you. You may go through a phase or two (please dear God, don’t let there be
more than one such phase!) where you feel we are out of touch with you and your
contemporaries. Truthfully, we may be out of touch in some ways. If we end up
listening to different types of music and watching different types of
television shows then I suppose that equals being out of touch in some way. Understand
though we will strive to be as engaged and invested in you as you grow through
life as we were the night you were born and in those first few hours, days, weeks,
months and years when you were so dependent on us for so much.
Time though will mean you will stretch your wings for more
space and freedom. Mom and I have to let go a little at a time even when you
demand and expect us to let go much sooner than you desire. It’s a tough road
to travel for a parent. We don’t want to let go because the world can be a
scary place for an innocent soul. But sheltering you forever deprives you from
the growth you need to become productive to others. It’s a to-and-fro battle
that takes place in small ways over the course of our lives. Don’t let those
moments when you feel like we are out of touch because we are not part of your
generation or because we seem to be hanging on to when you were a four-year-old
ever hold you back from feeling like you can never talk to us.
One day something may weigh so heavy on you that talking it
through with your friends just won’t work. You may even conduct your own
internal debate whether you should even approach your mom and me about this one
thing that is slowly eating away at you. Participate in that debate if you feel
the need, but do so with this knowledge: we are willing to listen, even when
you think we aren’t. What you have to say may be hard to articulate. It may be difficult
to even grasp for your own self. It may come out in a rushing flood of tears or
a stammering, halting series of phrases that sound as if you are outside your own
body when you speak them. Yes, it may be something your mom and I may not
really want to accept or understand. It may be embarrassing or shameful or
uncomfortable. Remember though being a family means weathering the storms which
come our way just as much as it means weathering the days of calm and sunshine
we enjoy and, so often, take for granted.
So I hope you come to understand that when you determine to
ask this question, “Can I talk to you?” That your mom and I will have one word
to say in reply, “Always.”
