The first post in this series is found here
The second post in this series is found here
This series began as recent Instagram and
Facebook posts where I have posted photos of me and Hannah on our way to
various places in our car. With each photo, I wrote a small blurb explaining
what was happening in each photo. The running theme of most of these posts was how at
three years old, Hannah was becoming a backseat driver. It didn't take long for me to discover that if I really looked, there were lessons as a dad that I could learn from these experiences. We are reviewing each of these posts, four at a time, with the original photo and blurb, plus a bit more detail about the photo and what I learned from the experience. Please feel free to share
any lessons I may have missed on Instagram, Facebook or in the comments section
here.
Disclaimer 1: None of the photos used here were taken while
the car we are in was in motion. Each photo shown was taken while the car was
parked. I love Hannah too much to risk her safety for the sake of a picture. If
you or someone you know takes selfies or texts while driving, please reconsider
just for the simple fact that life is too short. If that doesn’t convince you
then think how there are already enough bad drivers on the road and being out
there distracted just adds to that number. And if that doesn’t convince you
then let me be blunt: I don’t want you distracted if you are driving in my
direction.
Disclaimer 2: I do not claim to be a model father. The
lessons I present here as learned are from my perspective.
Backseat driver entry
number 9:
It seems we are in our car a lot and it also seems we travel the same roads
over and over. This is why it is nice when the routine is broken up by the
radio or a CD or music from your phone or some other device. Sometimes, Hannah
sings her own songs. A medley of “Old McDonald, “”Hip-Hip-Hip-Hip-A-Pot-A-Mus”
and “It’s Raining, It’s Pouring, The Old Man Is Snoring” seem to be her
favorites lately. Sometimes though I hear “Daddy, I want my mus-kick” and I
then automatically switch to the CD player and turn up her CD of children’s
songs--with exactly 32 children’s songs—a CD that has played over and over and
over in our car for the past two years. Song 17 is my favorite. Let’s all sing,
“Father Abraham had many sons…”
Story behind the photo: This girl loves her music. Sometimes
she sings along with a loud voice. Other times she sings along almost in a
whisper. It has never mattered if she has had a pacifier in her mouth or
sometimes even food or a cup of juice. She doesn’t always remember all the
words or the right order of words or verses and sometimes two or three songs
become one gigantic song. Any time she sings though, I love to hear her voice
because I know when she sings she is happy.
Lesson I learned: I don’t need to downplay the importance of
these songs in her life even though I often feel like I could ram a railroad
spike through my head if I hear “She’ll Be Comin’ ‘Round The Mountain When She
Comes” one more time. These things are important to her now. One day Hannah
will very likely tell someone of her memories singing these songs. This may even
become one of her earliest memories. She may even teach these same songs to her
own children and grandchildren one day and if she does maybe she will smile
when she remembers singing them while on a ride with me somewhere. I should
also understand that soon enough I am sure her love of music will turn from
these basic songs to something much more offensive and way too adult for most
adults, much less young children, at which time I will long to hear her be
singing along to “Mary Had A Little Lamb”.
Backseat driver
entry 10:
Rode a well-worn path today. Routine is good some days, calming, reassuring,
comforting. Pretty smooth ride, too. Hannah seemed fairly content and didn’t
even flinch when I made a right on red. As we neared our destination though
from the back seat I heard…
Hannah: “Daddy, let’s go that way.”
Me: “No, Hannah, we’ve got to go this way.”
Hannah: “That way!”
Me: “This way!”
All part of the routine...
Story behind the photo: This is a conversation Hannah and I
have had many times in our car. She wants to go one way and I need us to go
another way. Sometimes when making this argument Hannah can become fairly
animated while sitting in her seat. Here you will note she is pointing in one
direction while I am pointing in another and although we posed for this
particular photo, the pointing of fingers when it comes to the direction we
need to go has happened on more than one occasion.
Lesson I learned: I am not against going down a road less
traveled. I like to take short cuts on trips when I know about them and when
time will allow. Sometimes though, the routine does call for the same way to be
taken. Sometimes it is just the best way to go. I hope Hannah understands there
is a time for being adventurous but there is also a time when the tried and
true way just simply is the best. I also hope I understand this as her father and have enough confidence to follow through.
Sometimes I will probably have to convince her that the direction, in a car or otherwise, we are going
toward is the way we need to go because, well, as her Dad, sometimes, through my own knowledge or through my own experience, I do know
better.
Backseat driver
entry number 11:
Driving anywhere anymore can be a real task just from the
volume of traffic. Throw in an inquisitive three year old in the backseat who
asks question after question quicker than I can respond and you have what some
days are like in the silver CRV.
Hannah: “Are all those cars going to our house?”
Hannah: “What’s Sara’s friend’s name?”
Hannah: “Where did that motorcycle go?”
Hannah: “What’s that smell?”
Hannah: “Are we going to Target?”
Hannah: “Is that Pappaw’s car?”
Hannah: “Where’s my rock?”
All those unanswered questions leave me with just one
question…does she think my name is Google?
Story behind the photo: Almost daily, Hannah has a
conversation on the ride in our car. Sometimes it is with me. Sometimes she will tell me I
am not part of the conversation and that she is not talking to me even though
we are the only two in the car. Other times, her questions come rapidly and
often randomly. Sometimes she expects answers but sometimes she just fires off
questions as if she has to get them out of her system and before I can provide
an answer. Truthfully, I want to give her an answer most of the time but some days she just won't wait for the answer.
Lesson I learned: Children growing up today have so much
information in the palm of their hand with a smart phone. They can communicate
in a matter of seconds with people, they can look up information that previous
generations longed for but could not access easily. They can validate anything
they wish to believe because they can find it somewhere on the internet and if
it’s found there, well, then, it must be true. The generations of young people
coming along now will be such smart generations but will they have any true
wisdom? Where will my daughter get answers to the questions she will ask during
her lifetime? Will she ask me first or go to others who don’t know her or care
for her like I do? As you can tell, I have my own list of random and rapid
questions to ponder for myself when it comes to this situation. I only hope and
pray that Hannah never loses the curiosity she shows at the age she is now. And,
for all I do know and all I do not know, also I hope she never loses confidence in
asking me for the answers to her questions, no matter how random or rapid those
questions come.
Backseat driver
entry number 12:
Despite allergy season hitting us
hard, we march forward together. On this ride:
Hannah: “Daddy, I wanna issh-ooh.”
Me: “Aw, sweetie, I wanna kiss you, too. I can’t though
right now, I’m driving.”
Hannah: “I wanna issh-ooh.”
Me: “Hannah, I’m driving. When we stop I’ll kiss you.”
Hannah (a bit more insistent): “No, daddy! I wanna
issh-ooh!”
Me: “I know, sweetheart, I’ll kiss you when we stop.”
Hannah (more insistent): “Issh-ooh!”
Me (after a brief pause): “Oh. You want a tissue, don’t
you?”
Story behind the photo: A few simple things I have learned
about being a modern day dad is that when you go to restaurants with a young
child, always ask for more napkins and when you are anywhere for any length of
time with a young child always make sure you have a box of tissue nearby. Something
is going to spill or something is going to drip. I have learned to carry a box
of tissue in our car. I never thought I would do that but frankly, I often find
Hannah asking me for a tissue when she needs one.
Lesson I learned: Sometimes I hear what I want to hear not
what the person speaking needs me to hear. This is a pretty standard part of life with most anyone
isn’t it? After all, misunderstandings take place. We need to be clear with our
communication with one another. This is no different between father and
daughter. I think we, as a society, often forget we, individually, have one
mouth and two eyes and two ears. Eyes and ears observe and read communication
from others. When communicating with anyone, I need to make sure I take advantage of those two gifts because
what is spoken is so dependent on other things, the look on someone’s face, the
tone of voice used, body language and other things. When I listen more, observe better
and reach beyond the first layer of communication, I likely will be given
the opportunity to use my mouth to say what I think I need to say and it will
be accepted much more easily. Of course it all goes beyond that as well. Being an effective communicator not only includes active listening but also knowing what to say and when to say it, and sometimes that even means not saying anything at all. It is amazing to think how something that seems so simple as communication between two people, between a child and a parent, can grow so much more complicated so quickly.
Part four coming this Monday
