Driving Miss Hannah: What A Dad Learned From A Three Year Old Backseat Driver, part one

Recently on Instagram and Facebook, I have posted photos of me and Hannah on our way to various places in our car. With each photo, I posted a small blurb explaining what was happening in each photo. The gist of most of these posts was how at three years old, Hannah was becoming a backseat driver. Several people have told me they enjoyed these photos and blurbs (and likely there were a few who rolled their eyes at each new post). Thank you to all of you who provided positive comments and feedback about the pictures. After several of the posts appeared I began to really notice what was happening which was if I was really engaged my daughter was teaching me things that as a dad I need to know or the things going on were reinforcing things I already knew. That moment became a moment when I knew I would share those things on this blog. So, here is our format. We relive these 16 posts with the original photo and blurb. In an attempt to add a bit more value to all this, I have also provided a bit more info about each specific picture which in some cases brings home some of the points more clearly. More importantly, I close each picture and blurb out with I learned from that specific experience as a father. Please feel free to share any lessons I may have missed on Instagram, Facebook or in the comments section here.

Disclaimer 1: None of the photos used here were taken while the car we are in was in motion. Each photo shown was taken while the car was parked. I love Hannah too much to risk her safety for the sake of a picture. If you or someone you know takes selfies or texts while driving, please reconsider just for the simple fact that life is too short. If that doesn’t convince you then think how there are already enough bad drivers on the road and being out there distracted just adds to that number. And if that doesn’t convince you then let me be blunt: I don’t want you distracted if you are driving in my direction.

Disclaimer 2: I do not claim to be a model father. The lessons I present here as learned are from my perspective.

Backseat driver entry number 1:

Hannah is interested right now with green lights and red lights when we go somewhere. She doesn't yet quite understand that it's ok to turn right on red after a complete stop as she grilled me about this recently. Three years old and already a backseat driver.

Story behind the photo: A couple of miles from our house is a red light. At that red light every morning, we must turn right to get to daycare. Often, that light is red but to the left there is no oncoming traffic. When this is the case I follow the right on red rule after coming to a complete stop. This is a nuanced rule of the road though that Hannah does not yet understand. She just comprehends that red means stop and green means go. On this particular morning, Hannah noticed the right on red turn I made and began questioning me about it for several minutes. Needless to say, being grilled about a right on red by a three year old did not set too well with me.

Lesson I learned: Hannah will notice things I may not notice, She may notice something I won’t think twice about doing whether this something is “technically” right or wrong. If Hannah can verbalize this concern when it happens then I can become aware of it and can attempt to explain things. What though if she notices something and never says anything about it? What then becomes of my influence with her?

Backseat driver entry number 2:

Hannah: "Daddy, why did you make that turn so fast?"

Me: "Uhhhhh."

Story behind the photo: One afternoon as we were leaving daycare, we came upon a round-about. As I approached it, I knew I had to turn right and when I did, Hannah, who had been chattering away, stopped her talking and asked why I turned the curve so fast---even though in reality, we were barely moving.

Lesson I learned: Hannah is going to question my motivations. It may start small, such as asking about a sharp turn at a roundabout but will likely grow to more serious and personal issues over time. It is my responsibility to provide her with an answer and an answer that is as truthful as possible when asked. Beyond that, I need to think about why I do the things I do and why I do them the way I do them. I hope to live by this maxim…being asked about why I am doing something is only a bad thing if what I am doing isn’t a good thing.

Backseat driver entry number 3:

Apparently our recent discussion about "right on red after a complete stop" wasn't enough to convince her that it's ok as I had to hear all about that again from her today. Guess I better start using my blinkers before she figures that out......

Story behind the photo: In just a matter of days from first noticing a right on red turn, Hannah once again questioned a right on red turn. It was even the same red light as before! Needless to say, I wasn’t happy to hear that question again.

Lesson I learned: An easy takeaway here is that as a parent repetition is a great teacher so I should prepare to say the same things over and over. I don’t want that to be lost in this response because it is valid. However, the context here is Hannah questioning me again about something. As a dad, I likely will find that in my humanness it may take several tries for me to get something right that matters to my daughter. I need to be patient and determined. I need to understand her need to see me overcome this weakness will teach her great lessons when she has to overcome things she will struggle with in the future.

Backseat driver entry number 4:

Front seat driver regains control!

Me: "Hannah, you wanna see if the car can pop another wheelie?!?!"

Hannah: "Nooooo!"

Story behind the photo: After several days of taking photos in the car, Hannah was not pleased when I pulled out the camera for another photo. In order to try to avoid another photo, Hannah covers her eyes. The photo was just too good to not use. And for the record, no, our Honda CRV cannot pop wheelies. Who do you think I am, Evel Knievel?

Lesson I learned: With a reluctant photo subject I quickly realized taking several photos on this day wasn’t the best idea. My takeaway: Hannah will have her limits and I need to have plan B ready. Maybe she was tired this day. Maybe she wanted my attention to focus on something else other than taking a picture. Whatever the reason, Hannah was more interested in other things than taking photos and needed me to recognize this and lead her that way. The camera was put away and we moved on to something else. Sometimes my plans have to be shelved for later.

Part 2 of this series is available here.