Where It Started

I thank God for my mother. If I ever understand unconditional love, it started with her. If I ever practice patience without judgement, it started with her. If I ever embrace not giving up when giving up seems to be the thing to do, it started with her.

Not everyone can say their parental experience was good. Some carry that around as a weight on their life that will always be as close as their next breath. I understand days where parents are honored can be difficult for some. Still, I believe we should honor those who worked hard to get it right.

My mom was one of nine brothers and sisters. She met my dad and their life started together when they were both young. She gave birth to four children. One child was stillborn, a loss she never put too far away from her heart. She worked outside the home for a time but much of her time she worked at home. She babysat children, she sold Avon. She nursed skinned knees. Once she took a hoe to a snake slithering through our front yard. Nurturer, entrepreneur, nurse, defender. That’s my Momma.

I am sure there were times she wondered what would become of me. Worrying is a built-in component with my Mom. Still, she served as my greatest encourager, even during times she probably had doubts or misgivings about the road I was on at that time.

Maybe there were times when I felt like giving up but she felt like saying something along the lines of this Nathaniel Rateliff & the Night Sweats song to me:

“You ain't gone far enough to say

At least I tried

You ain't worked hard enough to say

Well I've done mine

You ain't run far enough to say

My legs have failed

You ain't gone far enough

You ain't worked hard enough

You ain't run far enough to say

It ain't gonna get any better”

As a parent, I take much of how I parent from how I was parented. Being a parent is not an easy task. You find some things easy and other needed things can be so hard. Still, we have to push forward, hopefully with the understanding and appreciation for the tireless, often thankless, effort, concern and hope provided by our own parents. The jury is still out on how Hannah will turn out in life. She still has a lot of growing to do. I hope I have learned enough to provide her with the tools she needs to be loving, patient and persistent. Her own mom does a great job of practicing these qualities to her. If I am able to do the same, I hope one day Hannah understands any such qualities I passed to her started with her grandmother.

Nathaniel Rateliff & the Night Sweats “Hey Mama” on YouTube

The Day I Didn't Bring Home The Bacon

I packed my lunch quickly that morning. I had prepared most of it the night before knowing all I needed to do was to place it in my lunch bag before heading to work. I opened the refrigerator door to pull out the items I had readied. Just before closing the door, I noticed a zip-lock bag, with something tasty inside, just sitting there all by itself. On a whim, I snatched it then placed it into my lunch bag.

It proved to be a busy day at work. There was an endless string of email requests, frequent phone calls and a few in-person encounters that kept me hopping. I did stop at lunchtime though to open my lunch bag and eat my meal. During that time though, other work related issues surfaced. I dug in, determined to complete all I had before me prior to day’s end.

A few hours later, I was ready to call it a day. I shut down my computer, turned off the lights then reached for my lunch bag. Usually, that lunch bag is empty at this time of day. This particular day, three items remained. I quickly looked inside taking notes that these three items would be a good start on the next day’s lunch. It was time to go so I picked up my coat then left in the direction of Hannah’s school.

Minutes later at Hannah’s school, I locate her on the playground with friends. She rushes to me nearly tackling me from the speed and force of her hug. As we check out, Hannah asks one of the playground monitors if snacks were about to be served. This lady wasn’t certain so she directed us to another monitor. This second monitor delivered the sad news to Hannah that it was not yet snack time.

Hannah was disappointed. She said she was hungry. I could relate as late afternoon is one of my four or five favorite times of the day to eat, well, almost anything. Attempting to allay her concerns, I told her I had an apple in my lunch bag. Once we got to the car, it was all hers if she wanted it. She wasn’t interested.

We walked further down the hall in order to retrieve her backpack. I then mentioned a small cup of applesauce that was in my lunch bag. I told Hannah I didn’t have a spoon to eat it with but we might be able to locate one in the glove compartment. Again, she was not interested.

I knew I had one other item in my lunch bag. Selfishly, I wasn’t ready to acknowledge it yet. I tried one other tactic. I mentioned to Hannah that the ride home wouldn’t take too long. I reasoned that by the time we got home, I could round up some sort of snack that would hold her over until supper later in the evening. No interest from Hannah. She was hungry then and wanted something. Hannah grew more cranky as I sensed I was running out of options.

I knew I had to make her aware there was one other item in the bag. The catch though was I really wanted that one other item badly as well. I couldn’t believe when I packed it in my bag on that early morning whim that I would not have taken a few minutes during the day to empty that bag so I could shove it’s contents into my mouth. I realized I had that opportunity but that the moment to act on it was gone. I knew what I had to do.

As we approached our car, I told Hannah I had one other item in my lunch bag. She asked what it was so I replied I would show it to her. After she was secured in her seat I was able to unzip my lunch bag. I pulled out the apple then the applesauce just to see if the visual appeal of those two items would win over Hannah. Again, she was not interested. I reached back into the bag locating the zip-lock bag then pulled it out in plain view. Through the clear bag were two beautifully cooked pieces of bacon. Hannah was thrilled so I handed the bag over to her.

Full disclosure: I love bacon. I love to smell it cooking. I love to eat it. I love it on salad, sandwiches and have even tried it with chocolate and on doughnuts. It is the best part of bacon and eggs. It reigns supreme over lettuce and tomato. It was to be an in-between snack on this day when things slowed enough for me to allow my stomach to tell my brain I needed a bit of the pig to make things good again. But, not today.

As we rode toward home, Hannah savored every little bit of those two strips of bacon. It seemed like it took her a good twenty minutes to eat those two thin slices of deliciousness. She even told me how she was eating the bacon slowly so she could enjoy it longer. The grumpy girl had become a happy passenger on the ride home.

She did let me have one bite of the bacon. It was good. Isn’t bacon always good though? Anyway, as much as I enjoy bacon, I enjoy more the moments like the ones she and I shared. I may not have brought home the bacon on this one day but I brought home a couple memories that will stick with us like a pig stuck in the mud.

30513 Memories: High School

It became a time when things just got more real than they had ever been before. Suddenly, we were taking tests to earn our driver’s licenses. We went on first dates. There were ball games and proms and other school-related events. We registered in case the draft was re-instituted. Some of us got our first jobs. We pondered what the future held. We were high-school students and the future was ours.

I know back then, in the moments that made up that time, it sure seemed like each day crawled by, slower than Christmas or like a test which you didn't study for. Looking back, it really passed in a flash. Even now, I am not certain I can recall my first day or my last day on the actual campus. I was there though, and now I realize there were many times between the two.

The changes that started in middle school would continue over the next few years before concluding when grade twelve ended. Then, the real changes, the real world, came knocking. Until then, we tuned our radios to Z93 or 94Q or 96 Rock. We watched “The Dukes of Hazzard”, “Three’s Company” and “Dallas” on TV. We cruised through town in our cars, or in our parent’s cars. It was a new world and it was ours.

It was fun ride. In high school, we had a fun crew of teachers and administrators, Daddy Frank, Smoky, Edfred, KD, Coach Hedden, Wild Bill, Hollywood, Ms. Holden. Our school also had a vocational school attached offering practical opportunities to students since a college track isn’t for everyone.

I recall classes with a poor geometry teacher who lost the attention of the class the first day. Once I remember seeing him drive away after school one day with a radio he brought to class on the roof of his car. One time, we locked him out of the classroom when he went outside no doubt to alleviate his stress by burning down a cigarette. I remember once he moved a troublemaker to the desk directly in front of the teacher’s desk. When the teacher would go to the board behind the desk to write something, the troublemaker would use his feet and legs to push the teacher’s desk toward the board. Then he, and the rest of us, would pull our desks forward. This happened until the teacher attempted to turn around only to bump up against his own desk. Sad to say, I don't recall many things about that class other than a series of teenage shenanigans but I can’t help but laugh every time I remember them.

Other classes were good, even sometimes fun. I was challenged by history classes with Mr. Williamson, who referred to "Exxon" as "Ex-e-on". Mrs. Buttram was a great English teacher and even better person. Ms. Holden would rush into the chorus/band room, set her keys on the piano, only to have them lifted by someone then passed from class member to class member every day until the end of class when one of us would hand them back to her. I even recall driver’s education courses with Coach Hedden and a white Chevy Chevette.

I don’t recall eating lunch there often. Usually, I grabbed a bag of cherry sours and that was the only thing I ate the entire day. In between classes, and at lunch time, we just hung out in the commons area. The pairing of friends that really kicked in during middle school became more evident during these times. It seemed certain that these friends would be the ones that would last. For some, they would. For others, more change would follow.

It all ended at 3:14 every afternoon. It’s funny how I can still recall that exact time, isn’t it? Once in awhile now, I look at a clock and see it reading 3:14 and without fail, I think of the mad dash to leave the high school that took place in my specific world just a few hundred times. When that last 3:14 bell rang for my class, no one knew where it would lead us.

Some of us left in a school bus. Some of us left in our own cars. For some, it led us far away from that small mountain town. Some made the military their next stop. Some went off to college, near and far. Some left and never came back. Some stayed close to home, hoping the education just earned was enough to get their foot in the door somewhere so they could stay in the place they loved.

No matter where we all landed, a group of about two hundred of us spent time together for a while. It seemed like the journey would never end but it did on an early summer night in a graduation ceremony on the school’s football field. And, now, looking back, it seems like so long ago, and that the time passed too fast. Still, I sometimes miss the times from then. I miss more the people, the friends from then. I miss being goofy, laughing, even the newness of learning that the time and place there offered. It was a special time and place with special people and I am grateful to have been there.

High school playlist:

Stevie Nicks with Tom Petty "Stop Draggin' My Heart Around"

Electric Light Orchestra "Don't Bring Me Down"

Journey "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'" 

Santana "Winning" 

Fleetwood Mac "Tusk" 

Kim Carnes "Bette Davis Eyes" 

John Cougar (Mellencamp) "Ain't Even Done With The Night" 

Rickie Lee Jones "Chuck E's in Love" 

Alabama "Love In The First Degree" 

Greg Guidry "Goin' Down" 

James Taylor and J.D. Souther "Her Town Too" 

Elton John "Little Jeannie" 

Rosanne Cash "Seven Year Ache" 

Moody Blues "The Voice" 

Steve Forbert "Romeo's Tune" 

Carly Simon "Jessie" 

Toto "99" 

Little River Band "The Night Owl" 

Queen "Another One Bites The Dust" 

38 Special "Caught Up In You" 

Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band "Tryin' To Live My Life Without You" 

The Greg Kihn Band "The Breakup Song (They Don't Write 'Em)" 

Blondie "The Tide Is High" 

The Commodores "Sail On"