A Four-Year-Old Questions Beauty

Not long ago on that modern neighborhood party line known as Facebook I noticed something that stated four-year-old children ask over 400 questions in a single day. Being a parent of a four-year-old I was not shocked. Now, as with about 98% of what is shared on Facebook, I am not sure of the exact truthfulness of that precise statement but I know firsthand how a four-year-old can ask a lot of questions because everyday Hannah asks lots and lots of questions. While she is four for a few more months, from time to time, I plan to share some of these questions with you. Some of them are genuine and sincere. Some of them are a bit wacky and off the wall. Some of them just make me pause and marvel at the inquisitive nature of a four-year-old.

As an active four-year-old, Hannah loves princesses and everything related to them. Often, we find she is flitting around the room holding imaginary conversations with others. Picking out bits and pieces of these conversation we find she is sometimes fighting dragons, sometimes chasing bad guys and sometimes searching for lost medallions and the such. Still, at an early age, the idea of a princess is something that is part of how she identifies herself in some way.

Recently, Hannah was busy in her make-believe world. She was adorned in a deep blue princess nightgown trimmed with purple and gold. I don’t recall her having on any shoes which these days is not unusual. Either she really doesn’t like shoes or she is really buying into this princess thing and is waiting for some prince to swoop in with a pair of shoes that fit her feet perfectly. Either way, on this day, she danced around the room light as air on her feet. She spun and twirled around the room saying things in a quiet voice that I could not quite understand, things not necessarily intended for me to hear. She pranced closer to me though, twirled around and stopped at a point where she turned her head in a certain position. She then looked me in the eyes and asked, “Am I beautiful?”

Wow! What a question for a four year old. I realize now, as I did then, she was likely mimicking something she had heard in a movie or on television. Still, I recognized it as a question most every girl will ask at some point in her life: “Am I beautiful?”

How did I respond? Of course, I told Hannah she was the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world. That is probably not the answer some in today’s hyper-sensitive, hyper-critical world would want a father to give to his four-year-old daughter. But the truth is, in my biased eyes, she is beautiful and always will be beautiful.

That said, the remainder of this piece is directed to Hannah. Hannah, I hope as you grow older you read what is ahead and come to understand some truths about true beauty.

Being physically beautiful is important to the world in which you live. It always has been and it probably will be the entirety of your life. There is nothing wrong with physical beauty but please understand it is something that is very subjective. Physical beauty changes, too. Age, time and unbridled vanity will bring changes whether we want them to or not. Beauty can even become something that people chase after to the neglect and ruin of more important things. Please understand those you see on television and in the movies, those models on magazine covers and others who live and die for the label of being called beautiful chase after something that will never fully satisfy. The standard of beauty they measure things against will change or those who they feel need to be impressed will move on to someone or something else. Don’t live your live in that kind of world.

On the other hand, don’t ever let anyone tell you are not beautiful. Don’t let someone who claims to be your friend or who claims they are something more than your friend tell you that you are not beautiful. Don’t allow anyone to define you when the words they speak emanate from a heart peppered with envy or spite.

Ultimately, that is where it all starts, the heart. True beauty lies within you. True beauty begins inside and manifests itself in surprising ways.

You are beautiful when you look at your mother with wonder and amazement hoping you become more like her. You are beautiful when you are helpful to others even when no one but you knows of the kindness you express. You are beautiful when you use your words to comfort or to encourage those who need compassion or a boost in their day. You are beautiful when you forgive someone even after they have wronged and hurt you. You are beautiful when you help someone who cannot give you back anything in return but their gratitude.

Are you beautiful? When you ponder this in the time ahead don’t look at the mirror, look at your heart, that’s where your answer will be.

Life Really Has Been Good

With apologies and a tip of the hat to Joe Walsh...

I have a mortgage, forget the price
Crib’s in the ‘burbs, refinanced it twice
I spackle holes then repaint the walls
Now and then watch a little football

They say I'm crazy they say I'm never on time
I'm busy splitting the surreal from the sublime
Life's been good to me so far

My C-R-V gets twenty-four M-P-G

Just paid State Farm, see you on the street

I have a wife, she rides by my side

Baby girl in the back won’t be denied.

We live our lives one day at a time

Things get wacky but they work out fine

No one has run us out of our neighborhood

When it’s said and done, life really is good.

Day after day we learn something we never knew
(Want to ride in our carpool?) (Our carpool)
We can't complain but sometimes we still do
Life's been good to us so far

We go to birthdays, our daughter’s she's four

It’s hard to leave when she clings to the door

It’s tough to parent in modern days

Just when we know the answers the questions all change

They say we're quirky but it takes all our time
(Everybody say oh, my) (Oh, my)
We keep on going, no need to ask why
Life's been good to us so far
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Adapted from Joe Walsh's "Life's Been Good".

"A Lot of the Older People Are Dying"

I was on the phone with my Mom recently. We were talking about an older man we both know who is having some health issues. After a short pause, my Mom said, “A lot of the older people are dying.”

That statement hung in the distance between us for a few seconds before we moved on to some other topic. Of course my Mom likely had on her mind several older people who had recently passed away when she said what she said. It is a curious way to say something though. After reflecting some on it, I wish I had added, “And that’s a shame.”

Later, my wife and I were talking and I mentioned this phrase my mother had turned. My wife then mentioned her late grandmother, a woman who lived into her eighties, who with her husband raised a slew of children and who was talented and creative in quiet yet practical ways and who stared down a lot of hard trials in her life yet knew how to enjoy and celebrate what she did know and have. My wife remembered how, as her grandmother advanced in age, she was more than willing to be available to those younger so she could share what she knew about life’s questions to those willing to listen. My wife related how sometimes her grandmother was a bit disappointed how few, outside of the family, really took advantage of that opportunity.

And that is curious, isn’t it? Opportunity lends itself but we rarely decide to take advantage. I look around and see my generation raising children, balancing work and home and a few other things and we have questions and questions. We walk the floor wondering if we are making the right choices and debating the consequences of what we may do and what might happen. Yet when it comes down to crunch time, we mostly turn to ourselves or others in our own generation for the answers. Maybe we aren’t really looking for answers as much as we are looking for others in the same boat as we are so we can have someone who will commiserate in our complaining and confusion.

Meantime, I can’t help but think there are a number of people out there like my wife’s late grandmother. Surely there’s someone out there who could provide some insight into some of life’s big issues so many of us face. I imagine there really is someone with the wisdom to understand how they can be beneficial to those willing to ask them questions about life while understanding that if they ranted and raved about such issues that would only turn off those who needed the answers.

A lot of the older people are dying and that is a shame, especially to those of us who need wisdom gained from experience and don’t have enough common sense to recognize where it really resides.