Hot enough for you? We’re close to neck deep into summer. Summer in the south is a rather unique beast. I know our friends in the northwest and midwest brave bitter cold winters and snowstorms of the century every year. They then laugh at us here in the south when just the mere threat of snow can clear bread shelves and dairy chillers in Winn-Dixies, Piggly-Wigglys, Food Citys and Bi-Los in a five-hundred mile radius. We just got to have us some sandwiches and milk in case we get stuck inside the house for a day. Still, we just aren’t accustomed to the snow and ice. Our winters are generally not that harsh so when a snow event happens, it really is an event. Yes, we have four wheel drive trucks and jeeps but trust me when I say every small town in the South has a giant mud hole somewhere near a lake, river, quarry or cowfield where those vehicles can realize their true calling.
So, to our friends outside the South, you can keep
your winters. We appreciate you taking the brunt of those icy winds and cold
snowfalls. Go ahead, chuckle when one of those storms gets it’s GPS off-kilter
then slides our way closing our airports and highways so that it brings out our
rough-edged neighbors all wide-eyed and cheesy-grinned to tell the TV reporter
how they “ain’t never seed nothin’ like this bee-fore.” Yep, you can keep all
that. We’ll take summer every day.
That said, summer in the south is not for the
faint of heart. It really is hot here. It really is muggy here. It can be hard
to breathe at times. The mosquitos become so mean and big we grow concerned
that may carry off small animals. The kudzu grows so crazily we consider not
only making jelly out of it but ponder how it would taste if we cut it up, rolled it in flour then doused it with salt and pepper just so we could fry it in hot grease. When the rainclouds disappear for weeks on end, our
yards turn brown and dusty, so sometimes we worry we may have to ration our
water usage. When a summer storm does come up it can be brutal with damaging
winds, hail and so much rain in a few minutes that we can see animals gathering
together by twos. That, by the way, is a Noah and the ark reference for all y’all
that don’t see why Sunday School is a good thing. We’ll take all those hard, dangerous things about a Southern summer for you. So,
you guys up north can take care of the winter, leave the summer to us here in
the South. No, our summer is not like your blizzards, snow squalls or lake effect snows but we’ll take what we have
over having to invest a lot of money into heavy coats, thick gloves, wool socks,
snow shovels, back-up power generators and other accessories that most of us
down here would never think would be needed. After all, I once went to
Minnesota in July. When I got there I was asked the whereabouts of my jacket. I
told this person how where I come from I may not wear a jacket until after
Christmas. A jacket in July? Perish. That. Thought. We’ll do the heavy lifting
on the summer. Don’t worry about thanking us, either verbally or through a nice
hand-written note on heavy-stock paper, we’ll let that slide as long as we all agree it is our civic duty, as the South, to soldier though the summers.
Don’t worry if you think we may get carpal tunnel
syndrome from waving a funeral home fan in our faces. Don’t think we’re sitting
around sipping mint tea while dramatically wiping sweat from our brows with a
handkerchief our great, great granddaddy once wore to a train stop just so he
could lay eyes on Teddy Roosevelt. You see we found out a long time ago how
cool the water is that runs through our creeks and rivers into our lakes. We
have found a certain secret formula that detects the exact spot where the wind
blows the just-right breeze under a shade tree. We will adapt.
That said, don't think we don’t miss winter and the
cold. We have an appreciation for breathing clear, cool air. We know it can be refreshing. We
understand there is nothing quite like watching the path a snowflake takes as
it dances to the ground. Still, it’s summer, 98 degrees with a heat of index of
123 degrees. We got this.
We will push through, doing our duty by carrying the load of summer on our tanned but sweat-soaked shoulders. Despite the heat, we will likely daydream of an arctic breeze from time to time. I mean summer will come to an end at some point and we can dream now of colder weather. So, if you are missing the cold, winter months,
never fear, I am here for you. Sit down, relax, turn up the air conditioner then enjoy some beautiful winter scenes by clicking the link below. I’ll just leave this right here in case you
need it. Jacket optional.
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