A Four-Year-Old Questions Meaningful Conversation

It was at the end of a long day. We had finished eating supper when Hannah, spying out a back window, noticed a rabbit in our backyard. This made her want to go outside to the back deck to try to get a better look even though it would soon grow dark. Still, she and I stepped out onto the wood floor. I sat down at our table as Hannah stepped up to a support resting low on the rail which runs around the edge of the deck. From this slightly elevated perch, she could overlook our backyard.

          By this time the rabbit had scampered away. The evening was nice temperature-wise so neither one of us felt the need to go back inside. Hannah saw this time as an opportunity to let our cat, Kayla, come outside. Hannah watched over Kayla as the growing cat carefully stepped onto the deck stopping to sniff at every little thing and playfully paw at a spider web or two.

          The new wore off watching the cat for Hannah so soon she was engaged in some other world while walking around the deck all the talking a-mile-a-minute. Then, she stopped looked at me and asked, “Can we talk about something?”

          Looking back now I don’t recall the specifics of the question. It may have been about how the moon was playing hide-and-seek with the clouds that evening. It may have been about a large white cat that carefully stepped though our neighbor’s backyard then into the woods behind their house. It may have been about how we try to sit down together as a family every night for supper and how that is one of the most important things we do all day. It could have been a number of other things, I just can’t recall. She asked a lot of questions and I tried to answer them all that night. No matter the question what stuck with me then is the essence of that question.           

So, Hannah, maybe by the time you understand all this better you will have come to know that should you ask the question again, ‘can we talk about something?’ that the answer from your Mom and I is yes. You will discover there will be times when your heart or your brain or both will work overtime trying to make sense of something until the only outlet you think will move it along is talking to someone. Sometimes, a friend will do, but other times, it will only do that you talk to either me or Mom or both of us. We’ll be there for you then.

          You should know though when you talk with me and Mom neither one of us will listen or talk back as a friend. We will listen and we will talk but we will do so as something more than your friend will be able to ever do. You see, a friend may let you talk then may agree with you just so you feel better. There is a time and place for that. Some things you need to talk about though will require more than a friendship. Some things you need to talk about will require someone who can listen then talk with you about realities that you may not want to know or accept. You will get that from us. You see your Mom and I are not like your friends. We have a bit more invested in our relationship with you than what you will have with your friends. It’s part of why we sit on our deck to watch the clouds dance with the moon. It’s why we marvel at a neighbor’s cat slinking through a backyard to make a getaway in the woods. It’s why we sit down together at our dining room table each night, thank God for what He provides us, eat our food and talk about our day together. It’s all those moments of talking from day-to-day building trust and love with each other so that when you really need to talk you know without any doubt that you will be able to turn to us. It’s all those little moments that build something beyond friendship, it’s those things that build our family.

          It can be complicated to fully understand. Some words on a page won’t really do it justice. It really is something that is built a little at a time over the course of each of our lives and throughout our years together. Let us know when you want to talk about it.