Admittedly, this question is a bit of a trick question to consider for this topic. Honestly, though, the question was just too good to not ponder. In my ongoing quest to document some of the questions a curious four-year-old asks, recently this one was uttered: "Can I push Mom's button?"
At this juncture, let me set the record straight before venturing into this potential minefield, or to possibly christen a new word which might a bit more appropriate for this, “mind-field”, with an explanation how this question came to my attention. One day, Hannah and I were walking down our stairs into our basement where Jennifer and I also park our cars. We were on our way to retrieve Hannah's bicycle so she could ride for a while. I had just told Hannah that since Mom was not there at that moment, maybe we could open the garage door on her side of the house to create a much wider bicycle path for Hannah. This way Hannah could ride her bike out of the basement into the driveway and back. Hannah liked this idea. As we walked down the stairs, Hannah looked to the foot of the stairs and saw the buttons which control the two garage doors, one button is a white rectangle with a small green light and the other is a large square blue light. As we continued down the stairs, Hannah turned to me and asked, "Can I push Mom's button?"
So, there it is. The question posed was really about a garage door opener. But, as I thought about her question, I came to realize how this innocent question could, over time, return in some form, maybe not in an audible form but possibly in some quiet way such as: "Can I push Mom's buttons?"
Hannah, here is your answer to that question: absolutely, positively, without-a-doubt, take-it-to-the-bank, one-hundred-percent, you-better-believe-it-with every-fiber-of your-being---yes. Yes, you will be able to push your Mom's buttons.
There will come a day when your strong resolve will come face-to-face with your Mom's strong resolve. Actually, this happens now for you as a four-year-old. Being four-years-old though means you haven't yet gained enough knowledge through experience to really test this out much. However, years from now, this give-and-take will be just part of who we all are as family. Hopefully, together, we will be able to navigate it smoothly and it won’t be a major issue. Still, a time will likely come when you realize there is a way, maybe with your words or maybe with your choices or maybe with both, that your response to some matter will push some imaginary button on your Mom that will cause her to lose her cool and go ballistic so that maybe, to your temporary delight, she says or does something she will regret. This happens to people who know each other real well and are around each other much of the time, like families. It's a part of life, albeit a messy, uncomfortable part.
When it comes to a head, the matter may be about a boy. It may be about some concert you want to attend. It may be about some clothes you wish to wear or how you want your hair to look. It may be about completing your homework. It may be about your grades in school. It may be about treating others with respect. It may be about treating yourself with respect. It could be about the people you hang around. It could be about a choice you made that cannot be taken back. I suppose it could even be about a garage door opener. Whatever it is, you will probably be so certain at that moment that the matter at hand is significant enough to test the bonds that connect you and your Mom. When this happens, I hope you consider a few things.
First, speaking from experience, I can tell you the things that hold importance to you when you are young change as you become older. That significant thing that you could use as a wedge very likely will fade into oblivion and eventually mean very little over time. I can tell you I see things in a much different light today than I did when I was twenty-five years younger. I imagine there will come a time if you live enough of life that you will come to a similar understanding. Today's here-and-now will turn into a lot of yesterdays, so step back to look at the larger picture life offers. And, yeah, I know, to you when you read this, I'll just be some old guy who saw his better days when TV was in black-and-white and dinosaurs roamed the earth and whose words are no longer really relevant. But I get that whatever will be causing this dust-up will be important to you, at least I will understand how important it is to you in the heat of that very moment. I do remember arguments with my parents, well, I sort of recall them. No, I can't really recall the things we battled over but I do remember in hindsight how cocky and arrogant I sometimes was in those moments. I even recall realizing, in hindsight, how headstrong, yet, wrong-headed I had been from start to finish.
Secondly, know that your Mom is a tender woman but she is also one tough cookie. She has her own strong will. She may be quiet but she is also determined. You may bruise her feelings with what you say or do. Knowing you have pained her may provide you with some shallow victorious feeling. Your win though will be momentary. She won't give up. She may lose a battle here or there but she is in for the long haul with you. You may at some point view her as an enemy to you but hopefully time, seasoned with patience, will reveal to you that she is on your side and always has been and always will be.
Finally, when you set about to push Mom's buttons, try to understand why being at odds with you over certain issues sometimes will matter so much to your Mom. It really is as simple as understanding that it matters to her because you matter to her. Your Mom is a wise enough woman to not quarrel with you over something that doesn't matter. She has better things to do with her time and your time. She is not going to go to that place just to get some jollies. The emotions you push and pull her through when you work to set her off come from a place deep in her heart that very few people ever really reach. You will be one of those select few to hold a place there. And that place, for your Mom, will be a place where you always will belong. It’s a place where she is willing to stand her will up against yours to keep you there even as you feverishly try to push her buttons.
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