One day she will break my heart. Today though she is three
years old and her world is filled to the brim with Minnie Mouse and the movie Frozen and songs from Sunday school
class, selfies with her cousin, trips to Mammaw & Pappaw’s house and
hanging on to her ever-constant companion, Mabry, the stuffed brown puppy dog.
It is hard to imagine that one day her world will ever change from what it is
now but it will.
As her dad, I know this day will come. While I would love to
think I could keep her and hold her at the age she is now, I know it is also my
obligation with her mother to prepare her to become a responsible adult, and,
when the moment comes, to let her go.
When that moment arrives, she will tell me she still loves
me. And I will know when I look into her eyes that she really does still love
me. I will also be able to tell though that everything else has changed. I
imagine her Mom will search my face for any expression of emotion at that
moment knowing how I will struggle with this. While I will likely mask my aching
heart, her Mom, my wife, will see the very corners of my eyes well with water and
will see my teeth tug at my bottom lip. I will then have to accept there is
some young man who has captured her heart, some young man who has made her swoon;
some young man who she thinks is the best thing going. Daddy’s precious girl will
have become someone else’s sweetheart.
Most likely, by the time this moment comes; we will have
come to know this young man better. Maybe her Mom and I will even like him. Maybe.
Realistically, there will be a lot of days between now and
then and with that time I hope to be somewhat prepared for that day. Still, I
know how fleeting time is, and so, I can’t help but feel a greater need to make
sure her Mom and I prepare her well for that day.
When this day comes, hopefully, our daughter will already
have tested this young man, and, hopefully, he will have passed those tests.
Hopefully, he will recognize honesty between the two of them is essential understanding
that once truthfulness is broken between two people it takes a lot of work to
rebuild trust to put things back the way they were before. Hopefully, she will
expect him to understand that communication works on several levels and that listening
and valuing what she says and feels validates her. Hopefully, she will expect
him to be patient and forgiving of her when she misses the mark but also to be
patient and forgiving of himself when he needs to forgive himself. Hopefully,
she will expect him to appreciate her appearance but will need him to look
beyond her looks and into her heart because who she really is lives there. Hopefully,
she will expect him to realize how she prayed to God for someone who could love
her despite her flaws and that God answered those prayers when he came into her
world. And if a promise is to be made between the two of them, hopefully, she
will expect that the promise belongs to the two of them and God and that making
such a promise is worth keeping, worth holding tight and worth never breaking.
And hopefully, he will understand that before she expects these things from him
she expects the same things from herself for him.
And while her Mom and I can tell her these things are
important, hopefully, she will understand how important these things are
because she has seen these things in us, however imperfect we may be. We hope
she understands we rely on honesty and trust. We hope she sees that communicating
with each other sometimes means knowing when to speak and knowing when to not
speak but to really listen. We hope she sees us being patient and forgiving of
each other and sometimes understands one of us may have to remind the other to
be patient and forgiving with ourselves. We hope she sees us look beyond
physical appearances and into each other’s hearts to fully appreciate each
other. We hope she understands that we are praying that God provides her with
someone who can love her for who she is, warts and all, just as He provided for
us. And we hope that she sees that while we sometimes fail in some of these
things we think are important, it is still that promise between the two of us
and God that we made seven and a half years before she was born that we
understand is worth keeping, worth holding tight and worth never breaking, and
in the end is just worth it, really worth it.
We also have more hope. We hope somewhere else there is a
Mom and Dad raising a son who will capture our daughter’s heart, who will make
her swoon and who thinks our daughter is the best thing going. We hope this
young man’s parents are teaching him to be honest and to listen and value what
others think. We hope they are teaching him to be patient and forgiving of
others and himself. We hope they are teaching him that while appearance is a
surface thing it is truly what is in someone’s heart that accurately measures
what kind of person they really are. We hope they are praying to God and
teaching him to pray to God for someone who can love him for the flawed person
he is. We hope that they are teaching him that a promise made between a man and
woman to love one another forever is made together, not taken lightly and in
God’s presence.
If she brings a young man home tested in these ways then
letting her go will be a bit easier.
I imagine my heart will still break.
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