Things We Thought We Would Never Say

Since we became parents, Jennifer and I have been told countless times by others to treasure the moments having a child brings. We often hear, “your children grow up too quickly so make each moment count.” We have even been told to write down things Hannah says so we can recall them and maybe even use them to embarrass her later on in her life.

We heed these things. We understand there is value in listening to those with prior experience. So, we have collected some of the things Hannah has said and done over time. We understand there will come a time when we will miss and will want to recall the cute way she says “sparkly” (she says it “spark-a-lee”) or how she has called the TV remote control a “commote”. I know one day we will be glad to go back and read how Hannah left food in the yard for Santa’s reindeer on Christmas Eve when she was two years old or the day I put her shoes on the wrong feet and didn’t notice this until I dropped Hannah off at daycare and someone else had to point it out to me despite Hannah herself telling me her shoes hurt her feet.

Anyway, we do try to enjoy the moments raising a little girl brings. I understand from having nieces and nephews and friends with children how they turn from cuddly bundles of fun into pirates and princesses and superheroes and then into teenagers and then into young adults. That process takes time-time that seems slow until that one day when you come to this sobering realization how time really has passed by and how these moments you store away hold more value than you could claim and despite you knowing this day was coming still it has arrived seemingly out of the blue.

The here and now though is here and now. The reality of the day-to-day world with a three year old is immediate and demanding compared to the golden years of tomorrow when the bad memories are eclipsed by the good ones. So, now while we enjoy the fun and sentimental moments, we also as easily recognize that raising a child is not one Hallmark card moment after another. It is hard work. It is tiring. As often as it is can be very rewarding, it sometimes is very difficult. For every cute memorable thing she says there can be a handful of whiny, screaming fits complete with streaming tears and feet pounding on the floor---and that’s just me and her mom.

So while we are storing away the warm, fuzzy moments for a later time we understand now in some way how they intersect with those moments of frustration and despair. It’s in those moments other memorable things happen and when they do they usually reveal themselves in some spoken manner. We are storing those things away also.

No, these things are not a list of words or phrases we may say that we fear Hannah will hear and repeat, although we have that list also. It’s not a list of things our parents said to us that we vowed to never say to our children but find ourselves saying either. Instead, it is words Jennifer or I have strung together in an exasperating moment with Hannah that makes us wonder if these exact words have ever been strung together in the exact order by another human being in the history of the world.

This first happened on a trip to visit family in Georgia. The trip takes about an hour and a half to drive. We left on a late Friday afternoon but stopped about thirty minutes into the trip to eat a bite of supper at a Mexican restaurant. Hannah was probably just over a year old at the time and was beginning to be more mobile and animated. We provided her with rice and a few bites of chicken to eat while we tried to eat our own entrees. At some point eating became boring to Hannah. This is when she picked up a piece of chicken and tossed back her arm. This is when I realized what was about to happen and words that I never imagined I would put together in this order came spilling out of my mouth, “Don't throw the chicken!" I must tell you about the time the ch- of the word “chicken” bumped past my front teeth on their way out into the half-full dining room, I realized what a ridiculous sounding thing I was saying. As the tiny piece of chicken flew past my eyes I realized Jennifer and I would likely spend some time during Hannah’s life stringing together other words into phrases that we would never expect to hear or say. Needless to say, that night after the chicken throwing incident, we determined to write down these phrases as well.

Now, we share these with you. Things we have said to Hannah that we never imagined we would ever say that somehow formulate logically in the brain but escape the mouth sounding more than a tad bit silly. 

"Don't chew on the camel's foot." 

This was said one day as Hannah was carrying around a small toy camel and chewing on the camel’s foot. When I said it though I imagined the “hump day” camel from the TV commercial and started laughing almost immediately which just zapped my credibility with Hannah at that moment. I think I have hidden the toy camel so this phrase will never again have to be spoken.

"Trying to figure out what a two year old is saying is like playing a never-ending game of Mad Gab." 

This was said, likely on more than one occasion, as Hannah became more verbal and was learning to speak. If you have ever played Mad Gab and also spent much time around a two year old you get this as the game is nothing but guessing and guessing what the little one is trying to say. The difference is the game provides you with the real answer. With the two year old, you can never be quite sure you have successfully guessed what she is trying to say.

"I am trying to get the cheese out of your hair." 

Looking presentable to others is important, so grooming is a necessity. Often this task is a struggle anyway. Throw in some delicious cheese and the process becomes even more complicated. Still, we never thought we would have to say those eleven words when trying to comb Hannah’s hair one day.

"Sit down and I will give you your pancake and your monkey.” 

I must say this is my personal favorite. It makes me want to just snicker and snort every time I think of it. Sometimes, when I am alone I just say it out loud to amuse myself. Jennifer said this to Hannah once at the dining room table when Hannah did not want to sit to eat but did want to hold her stuffed toy monkey. The promise of holding the stuffed monkey while eating a pancake dangled over Hannah’s head until she finally sat at the table with the rest of us. By the time she did this we were all in tears from laughing so hard.

"If you put that under your armpit, you are still going to have to eat it."

 Dinner time in the summer sometimes poses fashion issues such as sleeveless tops. Throw an adventurous child into the mix and one would never think said child would need to be warned that placing food into her armpit area would not get her out of eating said food.

"Take your foot out of the cheese bowl." 

So many of these seem to revolve around food, don’t they? Getting Hannah to sit at the table for more than a few minutes is quite a challenge. Rather quickly, she wants to sit in someone’s lap or lean on someone’s shoulder. Sometimes, she wants to sit in odd positions at the table that sometimes allow her feet to end up in places they shouldn’t. And to think, I was really looking forward to more queso that night.

"Princesses do wear underwear." 

Potty training is fun, isn’t it? Since our three year old believes she is a princess we never thought we would be having a debate with her about how real princesses do indeed wear underwear after going potty. 

“I do not want oatmeal on the bed.” 

More food! Hannah walked into our bedroom one morning with a bowl of oatmeal just as Jennifer finished making the bed. It made sense at the time. 

“Get that booger off your foot!” 

Uh, let’s not talk about this one. 

“Well, hurry up and get your superpowers on!” 

This is the most recent addition to this list. As Hannah and I were leaving for daycare one morning, Hannah stood up in the backseat and grabbed hold of one of the supports above the car window. She then began making whirling noises. I told her she needed to sit in her car seat so she could be buckled in for the ride ahead. She then told me I would have to wait while she put on her superpowers. She then proceeded to make more whirling noises as the above phrase came spilling out of my mouth.

Yes, we are trying to remember so many of the special moments raising our daughter will bring us as we know Hannah will grow up quicker than we want. Still, in the day to day moments when life is hard and difficult for all involved, it is nice to find something funny to make things lighter and a bit easier to get through. After all, laughter > crying.

(We would love to hear other things said that made temporary sense but now just sit out in space sounding ridiculous. Feel free to share them with us if you would like to do so.)