Your Age/My Age

Our Hannah turns double digits this year. Ten years old. Yes, it seems like only yesterday when she was born. Yes, the time has flown by. Yes, it hasn’t always been easy. Yes, it has been worth every minute, even the tears, hurts, bumps and bruises.

A major part of why I continue this blog is to document life for her. It is a written accompaniment to the photos we take and memories we stick in our minds for later. With this blog, I want to remember moments Jennifer and I share with her. I want to tell her about both sides of her family. I want her to understand how loved she is. I do this so this record is there in case she ever doubts the depth and width of love we have for her.

Despite trying in so many ways to find the right words in the right order to say something memorable sometimes I still fall short. Sometimes I come across something that someone else says that hits closer to the heart than I can do.

I ran across the song below some time back. I stored it away looking for the right moment. Now as we celebrate Hannah’s latest birthday, I think the sentiments shared in this song ring true for me and her mom. We watch our lives speed before our eyes without being able to slow down time for any rhyme or reason. As Hannah grows physically and also grows more mature and smarter, it becomes more difficult to imagine us holding her in our arms wrapped in a blanket. It becomes easier to understand how we will always hold her in our hearts wrapped in our love for each other. One day maybe she will look back, listen to this song and understand how it makes us feel today and always.

Happy birthday, Hannah, Mom & I love you!

"When You're My Age"

When you're my age
I hope the world is kinder
Than it seems to be right now
And I hope the front page isn't just a reminder
Of how we keep lettin' each other down

When I was your age, things didn't seem to be this hard
Riding bikes out on the street, playing tag in the back yard

You'll outgrow your shoes
You'll outgrow your bed
You'll outgrow this house
Just don't forget
When you're all grown up
But you don't feel that way
You're still gonna be my baby
Even when you're my age

When you're my age
You'll still be full of questions
That I wish I had the answers to right now
And those dark times might make you second guess it
But I bet love will still be making the world go 'round

When I was your age, I didn't worry like I think you do
Back then innocence was something you could hold onto

You'll outgrow your shoes
You'll outgrow your bed
You'll outgrow this house
Just don't forget
When you're all grown up
But you don't feel that way
You're still gonna be my baby
Even when you're my age

When you have kids someday, I hope you teach them the Lord's Prayer
Before they go to bed at night
Like my daddy did for me and his mother before him
Well something about it just keeps you right
And I hope you don't work too much overtime
So you can be right there beside them when they close their little eyes

'Cause they'll outgrow their shoes
They'll outgrow their beds
They'll outgrow that house
And you can't stop it
Life will lie in your face
Time will turn the page
But they're still gonna be your babies
Just like you're still gonna be my baby
Even when you're my age
Even when you're my age

“When You’re My Age” written and performed by Lori McKenna, Liz Rose & Hillary Lindsey 

Dog Days

This time of year is known as the “dog days”. I have heard that phrase all my life. Recently as we were talking, my Dad even mentioned the "dog days". I don’t recall it ever being officially defined by those who used the phrase in my presence. I did come to understand how it more specifically meant the long hot days of summer such as a body can experience in July and August in the deep South. I imagine this particular use of the phrase came about when some folks who lived a harder life than I ever have looked up from working in such heat only to see a dog stretched out on the dirt as if it had given up, maybe even died from the scorching, unrelenting heat. That experience was enough to declare how the summer’s dog days had arrived.

Now, if you go to the National Geographic web site you will read how the Greeks and Romans watched the stars. This was probably more reliable than a phone app or the five o’clock forecast from the local TV station. Specifically, they watched the dog star, Sirius and how it was positioned in the sky. When Sirius rose before the sun, the Greeks and Romans referred to the time as the “dog days”. It coincided with the hottest days of the year, which just happened to begin in late July.

We don’t often look at the stars at our house. It’s not because it is not an interesting activity. It is just more an issue of time and opportunity. For the last nine months though, we have lived through some dog days.

Despite having Kayla the cat as a pet, Hannah wanted a puppy. After talking it over, Jennifer and I felt like we were ready to add another pet to our household. Of course, Hannah wanted a golden retriever or a black lab or German shepherd. We felt any of those were just too big for all of us, especially considering whatever dog we welcomed would have to spend a good deal of time indoors. It’s already hard enough to get a good seat on the couch with the three of us and the cat.

So, Jennifer began searching. One day in November, she sent me an email with a picture of a dog. She said she thought this was the one. The dog though was about 75 miles north of us in Tullahoma. She made inquiry about adopting the pup. The stars aligned and soon, she was on her way to locate this dog.

I picked Hannah up from school and we headed home. Once home, a snack and homework awaited. More was waiting for Hannah, she just did not know yet. As time slipped by and Jennifer was still not home, I had to keep Hannah occupied enough so that she would not ask too many questions about the change in routine. Since it was November, darkness came quickly that evening. Soon enough though, my phone lit up with a message. Jennifer and the dog were close.

The garage door opened. I told Hannah we needed to see if Jennifer needed any help carrying anything in from her car. As we walked down our basement stairs, Hannah began repeating “Please let it be a puppy, please let it be a puppy!” I am not sure what led her to say that but understanding what she was about to discover I captured on video the moment she laid eyes on the puppy. She began crying standing frozen in the moment unsure what to do. Jennifer told her to hold the puppy so Hannah did. She stopped a time or two though to hand her off so she could hug Jennifer or me.

As the excitement waned a bit, Hannah and I learned that the dog had been adopted briefly then returned when the adopter realized they could not care adequately for the puppy. Before they returned her though, they named her Josie and painted her toenails red. Undaunted, Hannah declared the dog had a new name, Sadie, and, then, Sadie, red toenails and all, had a new home.

Since that November evening, Sadie has become part of who we are. She desperately wants Kayla the cat to play with her but Kayla just growls at her, takes an occasional swat at her and I am sure if cats have any type of memory longs for the good ol’ days before the dog came to live at our house.

Sadie was a few months old when we adopted her. We are still in the puppy phase at this moment. We have already endured chewed up shoes, pens, tennis balls and stuffed animals. Somehow, she also has chewed through a couple of leashes and at least one harness. While we try to keep her away from Kayla’s food bowl, she is a sneaky one that will seemingly eat anything if given the opportunity.

Jennifer and I both sometimes call the dog Kayla and we sometimes call the cat Sadie. Sadie though has adapted because we also call her “dog”, “Josie” and my favorite, “Tullahoma Tina”. I called her this right after we got her then told her she should always remember where she came from. I not sure she understands but we do.

I hope I never forget that night Sadie came to our home. I hope I always remember the happy tears Hannah cried standing beside her Mom’s car on a November evening. Thinking about it all now, I remember then how I took a moment to drift into the future imagining Hannah coming home ten years from then to be greeted by this dog that she wanted so much.

Hopefully, there will be a lot of good moments for us all between those two memories. For now, we try to put things we don’t want destroyed by Sadie’s teeth out of reach. We have learned Sadie likes her tummy rubbed. We laugh when her ears flop backward. We smile when she lays on the couch and snores. We chuckle when she barks at a passing car. We are amazed at how happy she is when we come home after being gone even for a very short time.

So, in these dog days of summer, we walk Sadie through our yard. She stretches the limits of the leash we use to keep her away from the street. She sniffs every inch of the yard like a detective looking for clues to a crime. She stops now and then to furiously dig away at the ground with her two front paws. Almost every time she walks the yard though she plops down on the ground stretching her body out as far as she can from one end to the other. She lays there, flips over to her back, rolls from side to side a bit before stopping to lay still while soaking in as much sunshine as she can. Are these the dog days? You know it...just don't tell Kayla the cat.

Slow

I have rarely been one to rush things. I am content to be the one heading up the end of the line. I suppose if I were cast in some movie role, I would be the slow-talking, slow-moving, aw-shucks guy who would always be a bit late being clued in on the rest of the scene.

That does not mean that I don’t recognize how quickly life moves. I have my own obligations that nip away at time. Family obligations add to that mix as well. Throw in how the world operates today and soon enough life seems too full and too fast. There is always something to do. There is always someone that needs attention. There is always something for which to be anxious. Not all those things are bad but adding each together can wear a body down.

Sometimes it takes a deep breath to make it all better. Other times, someone reminds you to just slow down. Maybe a nap will provide a brief respite. Recently, for me, it was a chance to sit down for a moment while waiting to pick up Hannah from school.

I left my workplace making a short drive to Hannah’s school. Typical bumper-to-bumper traffic on multiple lanes of highway greeted me. Changing lanes while navigating the route needed to go occupied my thoughts. Quietly, the radio played an outdated traffic report. I approached a few red lights silently praying the light in my lane stayed green until I passed under. Soon enough, I was at the school searching for a parking space.

The sun was bright on this day. The weather had not yet yielded to summer, so the low humidity made this day in the month of May still feel like spring. The skies were as blue as blue can get. I made school officials know why I was there. They made me aware they would send Hannah soon.

On this day, Hannah had a strings lesson. I knew my wait would be a bit longer than any other day. I sat down on a bench to live out the wait. Of course, this meant I could pull out my phone to see what I had missed in the twenty minutes since I had last looked. Quickly, I noticed my phone battery was low. Playing it safe, I put my phone back in my pocket. I told myself how a body never knows I might need that extra battery life on the ride home. I sat on the bench determined to pass the time away without the assistance of modern technology.

Without warning, I sensed a breeze. It was slight but enough to tousle the very ends of my hair. In the distance, I could hear traffic, maybe even a siren from an emergency vehicle. It became hard to recall exactly each moment then. I could feel myself slipping away. I looked at the blue sky lost in its deepness. I realized then how the leaves in the trees were being brushed back by the wind. For a moment, I felt as if I were in some three dimensional event. Everything around me felt as if it kept moving forward while I stayed still, left behind while everything kept going. I tried to breathe it all in and hold as long as possible.

Soon enough, Hannah emerged from the building ready to go home. I stepped back into that well-worn, comfortable place that sometimes can become overgrown with stress. It was better now though. It was as if things had been reset. It felt more like the place where I belong.

When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.
~Psalm 94:19